and do not lean on your own understanding."
- Proverbs 3:5
I'll say it flat out, both bold and shaking with fear all at the same time.
"God, sometimes I just don't know what You're doing."
"Why, God, why?"
I know one of the major desires of my own heart. For so long, even since I was a child, I knew I wanted a home and a family of my own. I have been blessed with so much in life, a wonderful and godly husband, a good education, loving friendships, and plenty of happy memories. But one by one, my friends and family have all settled into their own households with children and still - no babies.
And it's hard. It's hard to long like that and to wonder why. And sometimes on the really dark days, to wonder what's wrong with me that God would not trust me with a child. And yet deep down I know. God has a plan. I don't pretend to know it all or understand, but He has a plan for me and for everyone else on this earth.
There are hard days, but God is faithful. God is there. And even when it hurts, I trust. I trust there is a plan, even if it doesn't unfold at my pace or as I might wish it. Human understanding doesn't illuminate all, but I can trust in One who knows what He is doing, and this brings comfort even when the longing will never quite go away.
This was written in five minutes. Well, mostly five minutes. I did take time to look up the Scripture reference because, "I'm pretty sure this is somewhere in Proverbs" wasn't quite what I wanted to post as a citation. Five Minute Fridays are a day to just let out the joy of writing freely. Come join!